thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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