I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
