Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
