I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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