I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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