Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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