My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
