What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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