Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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