He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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