I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
