We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
