I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
