Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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