he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
