Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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