I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
