So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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