why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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