genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
