those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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