if only i could text you this smell
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
