Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
