i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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