well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
