Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
