I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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