I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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