You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
