Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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