Yo dont text me then not text me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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