She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
And then he peed in my hair
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