just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
