sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
