we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
