she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
