i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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