he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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