ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
