Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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