Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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