I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
