i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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