I look better un-naked...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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