Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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