He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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