Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
