watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
