Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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