and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
