One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
