i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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