I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
