I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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